We’re Playing the Wrong Game

Saturday, September 20th, 2008, 5:58 pm

I thought this was funny–Manchester United, perhaps the most popular soccer (OK, football) team in the world, is sponsored by…AIG. The insurance giant that went ker-plunk along with much of the rest of the U.S. financial services sector. According the terms of the deal that was signed in 2006, AIG is paying Man U $100 million over the next 4 years. So, guess what? Manchester United is now the true America’s Team, because everyone in America–including the Liverpool-loving JoeSpeaker, Chelseaboy AlCantHang, and myself, an Arsenal booster–are now official sponsors of the Red Devils. Every man, woman and child in the U.S. is now on the hook to send about 33 cents Old Trafford way over the next two years. Which is about a single spritz of supermousse in Cristiano Ronaldo’s hair. Sing along with me! Glory, Glory Man United!

Seriously, our government doesn’t let us gamble online because, ooh, we could lose some money. Meanwhile they’re gonna spend $700 BILLION of our money bailing out all these financial companies, with virtually no debate or discussion.. Because no one really knows how bad the situation is, or how bad it really might get. No one has a clue. But I guess we’ll just have to trust Secretary Paulson and Chairman Bernanke know what they’re doing. And hopefully they’ll do a bit better a job at resolving this crisis than Secretary Rumsfeld, Secretary Rice, Secretary Powell, Secretary Chertoff, Vice-President Cheney, and President Bush have done in handling crisises in our not-so-recent past. I am, as you might expect, brimming with confidence.

I try to avoid being a hypocrite, but I can’t deny that the idea of Barney Frank tying a last-second UIGEA repeal rider to the Wall Street bailout bill would be so deliciously ironic that I’d want to spoon it over vanilla ice cream and then garnish with slivered almonds. But, as they say, two wrongs don’t make a right. Then again, this is politics we’re talking about–since when do questions of right and wrong enter into the equation?

Now if you’ll excuse me I need to start making preparations for the big United-Chelsea match at Stamford Bridge tomorrow night. The Steelers-Eagles game can go hang, we have to rally ’round Man U and protect our investment!!

UPDATE: Actually, half the AIG sponsorship would’ve already been paid, so we’re only on the hook for $50 million. Which breaks down to around 17 cents a head. That makes it twice as palatable.


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One Response to “We’re Playing the Wrong Game”

  1. change100 Says:

    You know Garry Gates is going to the Man U-Chelsea game tomorrow. Scored insanely expensive tix from everyone’s favorite TD Charlie C.

    He’s also declared himself a Chelsea fan.

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