Two Beers In

Wednesday, August 6th, 2008, 8:07 pm

Swear to God, I’m gonna finish those longish posts I’ve been bleating about. I can’t believe how much frickin’ writing I do that ends up in the trash. Make myself sick.

Anyway, thanks for all the advice about the internet issues. Talked to my bro today, and turns out he’s been having problems with Verizon. So, it might not be me after all. Tho I have had troubles at other locations in the past. So I may be trying out those solutions down the road. Like, tomorrow, when I have a volleyball game and will bring my laptop to the bar to have dinner and a beer before the match.

Taking care of Sunny has been no problem…except for this morning. I was sound asleep and having a FANTABULOUS dream. I was in a supermarket and was walking down the aisle. On the right side was an endless display of Cool Whip. Two for one, even. Standing to attention on the left were every Playboy centerfold from 1981 to 1985, inclusive. I was trying to figure out how to load Cathy Larmouth and Debbie Boostram into my cart when I had the rudest of awakenings.

I’ve been home for nearly three weeks now, but it seems like I’ve spent precious little time at "home". In my apartment, in my own bed. I’m not complaining, as I’ve been off to the lake twice and I don’t mind house-sitting for my brother while they’re off on vacation. But there have been quite a few nights when I’ve woken in the dead of night and asked myself, "Where the hell am I?" And I haven’t had a ready answer.

Last night was worse.

Like I said, I was sound asleep. My eye movements were rapid. Dawn had yet to break. And that was the moment when Sunny, my brother’s Golden Retriever, decided that she needed to go outside. Now.


The past few mornings she’s woken me by lumbering to the bed and breathing like a steam locomotive. Sunny goes about 100 pounds and she’s not the lightest on her paws. When she goes down the stairs it’s more like a controlled golden avalanche (God, I’m gonna get some sick Google hits for that). On this morning I guess I was totally unresponsive and Sunny decided to be proactive.

With a mighty leap she bounded into the bed. Which rocked forward as if the earth was in the first spasm of a quake measuring 8.5 on the Richter scale. I pitched forward in the pitch-dark room, and was confronted by a blast of hot doggy breath in my face.

"HAA-HAA-HAA-HAAAAAAA!!!" Sunny huffed.

"HOLY JESUS CHRIST!!" I screamed into the darkness.

It took me a good 30 seconds before I was composed enough to take her downstairs. At least I know my heart is strong(ish), as I didn’t expire on the spot. She went outside to do her business and rested my forehead against the door and listening to my pulse go thump-thump-thump in my ears.

You might think a little night-terror might not make one sleepy, but once Sunny came back inside I hit the couch and I hit it hard. I was almost back asleep when Sunny grabbed a marrow bone she’d been worrying the day before and went to work on it. My brother has hardwood floors. Sunny, for all her good qualities, has never been described as a dainty eater. And the sound of her munching on that goddam bone was like someone rolling a square bowling ball across the floor.

"Here, Sunny," I said through clenched teeth as I tossed her a bacony doggie treat. She wolfed it down and I grabbed the bone and put it up on the mantle, well out of reach. With that I lay back down, closed my eyes, and returned to dreamland. Cathy and Debbie, alas, did not wait up.

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One Response to “Two Beers In”

  1. Brother Says:

    Been a week since we lost her. It was good to read this again. Thank you

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