Take This Job and Shove It

Thursday, July 31st, 2008, 10:42 am

I would like to take a moment to give a standing ovation to my sained mother, who is retiring today. She’s taking her victory lap dahntahn at the bank and then she’s outta there, forever. And good for her, dammit. Originally she was going to work until March before hanging ’em up, but she got a bit ticked off at something that happened and with her turning 65 and having a grandbaby to fuss over she said, "(Deleted) this. (Deleted) them. They can go (deleted) themselves for all I (deleted) care." Or something along those lines. There may have been more cursing.

I used to work for the same bank my Mom does (did). In fact, I used to work about three rows of cubes away from her. In fact, at one point, my mom worked for a department I dealt with every day, my (now) ex-wife worked about 15 feet away from me, and my sister-in-law worked across the hall. Yeah, that was frickin’ awesome. Anyway, Mom’s job was to deal with issues that didn’t get resolved the first time they meandered through the bank. Basically, once the shit hit the fan, it was Mom’s job to get out the tissues and wipe down the spinning blades. I had a similar job in a different department in the bank and I hated, hated, hated it. I also sucked at it. Mom was good at it and liked it enough to not jump out of the 38th-floor window. As I contemplated doing just about every day I worked up there.

On 9/11 we were both at work in the tallest building between Pittsburgh and Washington. The internet wasn’t working, phone lines were jammed, and strange reports kept filtering in. That the Sears Tower had been hit. That a plane crashed on the Mall in Washington. That there was a suspicious plane identified in Somerset County, PA. Not that it had crashed there, just that there was something suspcious. It didn’t take my overactive imagination long to come up with a scenario where a plane 10 minutes flight time away was targeting our building. I did what anyone would do–I went to my Mommy. The management had finally decided to evacuate and she was at her desk waiting for her boss to give them the go-ahead. "Let’s get the hell out of here," I said, or something along those lines. There may have been more cursing. Walking down those 38 flights was not a fun experience, but at least I knew where my Mom was. She was right in front of me, and I was there saying, "Come on!! Move it, lady!!"

On my last day there I sent an email to my main account that said, "You made it!". True, I quit my job there before I got fired and I didn’t have another job lined up, but at least I was out of there. Mom gets out with her 401(k), her pension, and her dignity and sanity. Of course, let’s see how long she and my Dad stay sane with both of them home all the time. I think he’ll be glad that he doesn’t have to drive her into town every day. I had lunch with them before I left for Vegas and they were talking about doing some traveling once she retired. I thought they meant little day trips to the Finger Lakes or D.C., stuff they’ve done before. Nah, they’re talking about Ireland and England sometime soon. Go. See the world. Do whatever you want to do. Spend my inheritance. Actually…why don’t you spend Ryan’s inheritance and put mine in Euros?

Anyway, congratulations Mom! Before you leave be sure to tell everyone exactly what you think of them, steal whatever you can carry, and give everyone the finger before you step on the elevator that last time. And then go out and get loaded.

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One Response to “Take This Job and Shove It”

  1. Maudie Says:

    I loved this. Rock on, Mom!

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