Ed Bouchette For Mayor; or, Where’s My Pitchfork?

Thursday, August 9th, 2007, 11:44 am

The Post-Gazette today posted a video with Ed Bouchette talking a bit about the abomination the Steelers birthed yesterday. Bouchette said the Steelers didn’t take his advice about naming their new creature–he recommened "Stupid Mascot". I would’ve suggested a different first name, one that cannot be repeated in public.

The identity of the person who came up with the name "Steely McBeam" was revealed both in the video and an article about that blasted puppet. I won’t repeat the name here, I don’t want to incite a riot on her front porch. But I’m mad. I’m hopping mad. We, the vast Steeler Nation, must do something about this travesty.

Because this is about…the children. I grew up rooting for Jack Lambert, Franco Harris, and Mean Joe Greene. At an early age I was inoculated in all that was good and noble about Steelerdom. As the Super Seventies faded into history a new generation was instructed in the Black and Gold Arts by players like Greg Lloyd, Dermontti Dawson, and Jerome Bettis. Victory in Super Bowl XL revitilzed old-timey fans and imprinted an indelible image of Steeler glory on the young.

But this "Steely McBeam" threatens all of that. Instead of kids growing up with thinking of the Pittsburgh Steelers as implacable Men of Steel welded into an irresistable army, they’ll think of…a foam-rubber puppet carring a foam-rubber girder. And that is appalling.

In the video Bouchette confirms these nightmarish thoughts by saying that "the kids seem to like" the new mascot. Kids don’t know any better. That’s what the grown-ups are for. And that’s why we grown-up Steeler fans need to step in here and do whatever it takes to consign this puppet to the ashcan of Steeler history, along with blunders like drafting Huey Richardson, passing on Dan Marino, and cutting Johnny Unitas. Actually, compared to this "Steely McBeam" thing, ditching Johnny U. doesn’t seem like that big a deal. He was only a Hall-of-Fame quarterback. "Steely McBeam" threatens to destroy everything the Pittsburgh Steelers stand for. We can’t let that happen.

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2 Responses to “Ed Bouchette For Mayor; or, Where’s My Pitchfork?”

  1. maf212 Says:

    Gene, I am with you 100 percent. Just let me know how I can suport your quest to get rid of this Steeley McBeam character. The Steelers are perfectly fine with no mascot at all, and I’d like to keep it that way.

  2. JoeSpeaker Says:

    I love Steely McBeam. I have all his DVDs:

    The Fish That Shaved Pittsburgh
    The Ejaculate Reception
    Cunt Tekulve

    Big fan

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