Bill Frist’s Other Good Deeds

Monday, October 2nd, 2006, 5:43 pm

OK, so Bill Frist did a good day’s work on Friday and killed online poker for millions of Americans. The bill he railroaded through also destroyed billions in market cap for online casinos. I don’t exactly know how this plays into his Presidential ambitions, since millions of online poker players now equate him with the Grinch, before his heart (or brain, for that matter) grew three sizes too big.

So what did Frist do today? Well, he’s taking a tour of Afghanistan (remember, Afghanistan, that war we had before Iraq?), and he’s saying that we can’t defeat the Taliban and should therefore negotiate and bring them into the Afghan government:

U.S. Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist said Monday that the Afghan guerrilla war can never be won militarily and called for efforts to bring the Taliban and their supporters into the Afghan government.

The Tennessee Republican said he had learned from briefings that Taliban fighters were too numerous and had too much popular support to be defeated by military means.

“You need to bring them into a more transparent type of government,” Frist said during a brief visit to a U.S. and Romanian military base in the southern Taliban stronghold of Qalat. “And if that’s accomplished we’ll be successful.”

[…] Frist, who said he would announce whether he would run for the U.S. presidency in about a month, said he had hoped that the United States would be able to withdraw its forces from Afghanistan soon. But the 20,000 U.S. troops are still needed to help the 37-country coalition deal with an intensifying Taliban insurgency.

So…the people who turned Afghanistan into a hellish theocracy…who provided cover bin Laden before 9/11 and refused to turn him over after he murdered 3,000 American civilians…we should invite those people to participate in the nascent Afghan democracy. Sure. The Taliban will be happy to play parliamentary politics, they’ll be happy holding important posts like Minister of Agriculture. They won’t want total, unopposed power like before. Nah. I’m sure they think transparency in government is swell.

Meanwhile, in Iraq, a country that didn’t attack us, that had nothing to do with 9/11 and al Qaeda…stay the course. Keep the troop there indefinetly. Keep spending hundreds of billions a year.

Oh yeah, and banning online poker is a national priority. I mean, the war, the deficit, torture, etc…that’ll be there after the election. But gotta stop those poker players.

Bill Frist wants to be President, kids. Let us pause a moment to realize that he is the SENATE MAJORITY LEADER. Of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. And he’s actually going to be running for President. Now, if you’re wondering how on Earth a person this blinkered could rise to such a position of power…well, look who’s in the White House now.

There’s an election in a month. You have to vote. You have to vote for people who you think at least have a kernel of decency within them, and who have enough brains to walk and chew gum at the same time. Find a candidate like that and it’s gotta be an improvement. And if you’re in doubt, vote against the incumbent. We the People need to scare these bastards into thinking they’ll lose their jobs if they spend their entire terms fucking up.

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