It’s Not Listed In The Bible, But…

Tuesday, August 1st, 2006, 8:58 pm

Oh, the troubled times we live in. Every time you turn on the news something terrible is happening in the Middle East. Iraq, Lebanon, Israel. Iran and Syria, up to no good. And the UN and the US without much hope of salvaging the situation.

The world is full of crazy people, and some of those who like their insanity flavored with religion are saying that perhaps we’re on the cusp of the Apocalypse. And that this is a GOOD thing. Now, I’m not up to speed on my Bible studies, but I did see the movie The Seventh Sign with Demi Moore and so consider myself close enough to an expert to think we’re still OK, Armageddonwise.

Until I was checking out the chip counts for the World Series…and saw that Anna Benson has over 30K going into day two.

Ms. Benson, the former wife of one-time Pirate creampuff Kris Benson, is one of those non-talented media whores with a bottomless thirst for attention who seem to make up 85% of American culture these days. After divorcing her underachieving husband (his trade out of New York couldn’t have helped her opinion of him) Ms. Benson looked over that which is hot and trendy and saw that poker was booming. So she decided to become a poker player. Just like that.

Normally this would not be cause for concern. But she has chips in the friggin’ World Series of Friggin’ Poker. Not a lot of chips–30K is hardly a big stack. But she made it to day two. Strange things can happen. Strange, scary things. Strange, scary things happen every day in this world. And I’m getting scared.

What if she goes on a tear, the deck hitting her in the face? What if ESPN decides that the world simply cannot go on without seating Ms. Benson at the TV table, to be endlessly zinged by Norman Chad’s rapier (sic) wit? Good Lord, what if she makes a major run? What if she WINS? Let’s ignore the question about whether Anna Benson as World Champion would destroy poker–would the bracelet around her wrist signify that we are indeed approaching the End of Days?

I guess we’ll find out. She only has 30K. I keep telling myself that. I’m almost reassured. But I’ll be checking Pauly and Otis and PokerWire to keep an eye on the situation. I forget…if the Apocalypse comes, am I supposed to build an Ark?

UPDATE: Even before I hit the “Publish Post” button I see something over at PokerNews about how Anna Benson threw some kind of party/tournament. And then I see that apparently she and Mr. Benson are apparently still together. Well, that’s nice. I guess my attempts to isolate myself from gossipy nonsense like that is working.

Hey, she even has her own personal poker site, golddiggerpoker.com! What a delightful name. Of course, it isn’t quite operational yet, it just takes you to her personal site. Where, if you so choose, you can see Ms. Benson in various stages of undress. Hey, do I need to special-order Ark lumber, or is it something I can just pick up at Home Depot?

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2 Responses to “It’s Not Listed In The Bible, But…”

  1. Drizztdj Says:

    I guess there was a tourney at the party…

    “and third was a great prize as well in a trip to Spring Training with Anna and Kris as the prize.”

    Since Kris would be too busy serving up batting practice, what would you do with the bored stripper housewife?

  2. Ken Says:

    You need gopher wood! I think that is a HHHD special order. Just figure out how bbig you want it and order by the cubit.

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