A Post in Which I Rant a Bit

Monday, May 29th, 2006, 9:55 am

I just got knocked out on the first hand of a SNG. After one limper I raise with KJ, the limper calls. Flop comes queen high, I make my continuation bet, he calls. The turn gives me an open-ended straight flush draw. I make a big bet, he calls. The river is a brick, I don’t feel like playing a shortstack and I go all-in. He calls. What does he have? AJ. He called off all his chips with ace-high, with no flush draw and only a gutshot straight draw.

Now, I’m not ranting here about a bad beat, because obviously it wasn’t a bad beat. My point is, where exactly is the fun of meekly calling with no hand street after street? He didn’t raise or re-raise preflop. He called big bets after the flop, turn and river with absolutely nothing. Of course there’s no logic behind his play–my point is where is the FUN? You’re playing a $5 SNG, obviously you’re not warming up for the World Series of Poker. You’re playing for some enjoyment. Is hitting the CALL button fives times worth five bucks? I can’t see that it is.

I lost a hand yesterday to a guy who hit a royal flush on the turn. I had AQ and top two pair, and fortunately the ten of diamonds was the one card that kept me from putting another dime in the pot, as it put every scary flush and straight draw out there. He showed his royal and I sneered, “It takes a royal flush to beat me, pardner”.

Mostly played some little NL, and as often happens in no-limit one hand decided if I’d be a winner or loser. I had AK, he had A-9. Flop came ace-high, I bet, he called. Turn was an action card, the king of spades, which gave him a flush draw. All the money went in, and he hit the queen of spades to take my stack. Worst part was that I was playing two tables and my computer hiccuped and I couldn’t get back to that table as the river was dealt. All I could see was that a black queen arrives. I didn’t know which suit. But I knew it was a spade.

I did fight my way back to cut my losses by two-thirds, but as often happens in no-limit one hand might’ve broken my again if I hadn’t made a brilliant laydown of 7-3 in the small blind. There was a raise, a call, and I let my 7-3 go. Flop came A-7-7. Oogh, I thought. I got oogier when a three popped up on the river. I was sighing as all the money went in the pot, only to see that the original raiser had aces. Whoops! I can only assume the other player had the case seven. I might’ve been in third place that hand.

I played the Hammer to perfection to make up for much of my losses. The female (for her name was female) to my right bullied me a few times and I raised her limp with the Hammer. The flop came with a seven, I bet, she called. We checked the turn, but a deuce on the river got me betting again. She called, and I showed my two-pair to the LOL’s of the other players. Two hands later I was dealt KK I raised, she re-raised, I put her all-in and she called with 9-10. My cowboys ruled the ranch and I got a bit of my money back.

Sigh, I pride myself on not tilting. Much. So why am I still watching the SNG I got knocked out of to see when that jackass gets busted? Because I’m tilting. I think I’ll go make some breakfast and see if that improves my mood.

UPDATE: That dude was the chip leader and lost most of his stack re-raising all-in with top pair, medium kicker and lost to a set. He went out next hand. I will now go cut myself with a big knife.

UPDATE UPDATE: Hey, played another SNG, made it past the first hand. Again I’m dealt KJ on the button, raise, get one caller. I make a continuation bet, he calls. Check thru the turn, a jack on the river, and he leads out for T150. I think about raising, but instead I just call. He has AJ. Oy. At least this time I didn’t go bust.

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE: No foolin’, I’ve played like 15 hands this fine morning and I’ve had KJ ten times. I’m folding it if I’m in the big blind. I’m folding it if the flop comes K-K-J. I fully understand KJ is not a good hand. It’s stalking me. Can you get a restraining order on a poker hand?

UPDATE ETC: Unfreakin’ real. I hit POST, and I’m dealt KJ. Of course I call. The flop comes K-J-7. I don’t mess around, I raise after one guy makes a little bet and I take down the pot. Is Rod Serling in the house?

UPDATE ETC ETC: Here’s how my day’s going. After trapping the chip leader with a flopped set and taking the chip lead, we’re down to four and I’m dealt A-10. I hit an ace on the turn, I’m pretty sure the shortstack has a king, not an ace, and he makes a meek bet on the river that I have to call because I’m getting 7-1 on my money.

And my cursor twitches and I hit the fold button instead of call.

UN-BELIEVEABLE. Hank, Mr. Rini, could you move the FOLD and CALL buttons a bit further apart so doofuses like me who get the shakes don’t muck cards they mean to play. I then get dominated two hands in a row to the shortstack and now I’m the shortstack and on the bubble. Believe me, it’s hard to type where you’re curled up in the fetal position.

And now some schmuck asked if the “G” in “Mean_G” stands for “gay”, and another guy is giving him a lecture on sensitivity. Why am I not out lying in my hammock getting some sun?

The lecturer said earlier that he knows how I play because he has “notes” on me. I’ve played maybe 500 hands in the last month–and he has “notes” on me. Glad to see that three years into the poker boom no one has picked up a freakin’ clue.

And in the end I go out third, in what is easily the most unsatisfying SNG cash of my life. I get in the money by making a nice call when, on a board of 9-7-3 and me holding Q-7, I get check-raised. I think it over, doubt that he would’ve checked a nine, that he’s trying to push me, and I call. He has J-7, and after he’s out he says “That’s FTP for you”. Not sure why my brilliant call is the responsibilty of Full Tilt, but there you are.

For awhile I thought the two players I was up against were soft-playing, because the chip leader folded his small blind like 4 times in a row. When he would re-raise me practically every hand. Every time I limped from the small blind he’d raise, so I waited for a big hand to trap him. This is the guy who has “notes” on me–no doubt he put a note in that I would fold to a re-raise after limping. Well, I pick up AQ, limp, he re-raises, and I go all-in. He thinks, thinks, thinks–he’s totally pot-stuck–thinks…and calls. Turning over KK. Bad enough I get cold-decked, but the bastard slow-rolls me. The ace in the door is negated by the king of hearts next door. Poker, she is a cruel game.

I’m gonna go lie in the sun now. It’ll help dry my tears.

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