I Cracked the Top Twenty!

Thursday, May 18th, 2006, 8:33 am

Reading Bill’s blog this A.M. I learn that there’s a site called Top Gambling Blogs that lists the top, uh, gambling blogs. So of course I race over there to see if I’m listed because if I’m not I’m just gonna DIE!

And I am! Whee! I’m number 19. Something else to put on my resume!

But then I look it over…and, um, there are some curious descriptions of these top gambling blogs. And some curious spellings of words common in the gambling world. To wit:

Blog #4 is the Proker Prof’s Poker Blog. “Proker”? Typo, gotta be.

Adding weight to this theory is blog #7, the Parky Poker Blog. Parky? This reminds me of a Get Smart episode, Maxwell Smart comes up against an Oriental criminal mastermind obviously modeled after Dr. No. The bad guy holds up his hands, which are actually pincers, and says in a sinister and heavily accented voice, “I…am…the CRAWWWWW!”

The oblivous Smart says, “You’re evil plan will never work, Craw!”

And of course the bad guy’s name is actually the CLAW, but he can’t quite pronounce it thus, and he gets pissed and shouts at Smart “It’s not the Craw! It’s…the…CRAWWWW!!”

And Don Adams scrunches up his eyes, looks confused, goes back to looking oblivious and says, “Well, Craw, the place is totally surrounded”.

And the joke goes on and on like that. Ah, nothing like a bit of racist stereotyping to start off the day.

The Triplets of Greenville are listed at #8, followed at #9 by Otis’s gig at the PokerStars Poker Blog, which the pollster, with an almost Zenlike clarity, says “Looks like the blog for Poker Stars.” Indeed.

Did you know Mr. Rini was a professional poker player? You do now. And if something is posted on the Internet it MUST be true. Tell you what, if Bill and Halverson (#22) don’t get invites to next years National Championship of Heads-Up Poker, we’re going class-action on NBC’s ass.

Speaking of lawsuits, somehow This Is Not A Poker Blog is listed eleventh, even as the pollster concedes this oddity by stating “yet it still hits the top 25 gambling blogs!” I sense a Texas-sized conspiracy here.

Why do people read The Poker Chronicles? Because that’s where you’ll find “Poker stories and plotting”. Yup, you gotta love the plotting. Gotta have plotting. The twists, the turns! How can he possibly escape that nerve gas strike on the Bellagio? Who knew Matt Maroon was the pokerblogger equivalent of Jack Bauer?

Grubby is described as a “Las Vegas radio/courier guy”. which doesn’t quite seem enough to sum up the Grubbian oeuvre. “Courier Guy” would actually be a cool name for a Tier-6 superhero. Courier Guy! I like it.

The site of DoubleAs is described as “personal blog of a poker fan”. Yeah, I’d probably be a poker “fan” too if I made winning WPT seats about as common an occurance as picking up the dry cleaning.

Maudie is listed one spot ahead of me. According to the description, she is “apparently an avid player”. Apparently she is. Because she took a big pot off me in Vegas when she flopped a set of sixes when I held top pair with AQ. A trap that wasn’t too goddam apparent to me at the time.

A British blog that is listed as Gamling Tips, Betting and Gaming News Blog is described as having a “very accurate title”, without explaining what “Gamling” is. Some odd Cockney expression this devoted Anglophile has overlooked?

My own listing comes under my online AKA of “Mene” Gene. How am I described? “Pittsburgh’s most decorated blogger”. On my site I modestly describe myself merely as Pittsburgh’s most decorated poker blogger, but, again, if it’s on the Internet it must be true. Tomorrow night I’m going to a get-together for Pittsburgh bloggers (it’s at a bar, natch) and I’m quite looking forward to telling them that they’re in the presence of the 800-pound gorilla. The alpha male. The Most Decorated.

If you have a poker blog, and you didn’t make this list, don’t fret. Reading it over, and seeing who DIDN’T make it, almost made me feel silly. But only almost–as Oscar Wilde once said, “The only thing worse than being talked about…is NOT being talked about.” Stroke my ego, and I purr. I take it any way I can get it.

It’s incredible how many fantastic writers there are clattering away about the pursuit of calculated risk. And, of course, about other subjects, pretty much every subject under the sun. I’m actually quite proud of the fact that I allegedly have the nineteenth-ranked gambling blog and I, like, don’t GAMBLE. So now I’m shooting to make a few more lists on subjects I know nothing about. For example, a list of blogs discussing ways to resolve the tensions between Islam and Christianity. And, certainly, a list of sites that discuss how to enjoy mutually-satisfying yet committment-free casual sex. I think I can crack the Top Five on that one.

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6 Responses to “I Cracked the Top Twenty!”

  1. Haley (Cawt) Says:

    I sort of like Oddjack at number five, myself.

  2. john in pgh Says:

    Craw: Bobo, show Mr. Smart how we use the steam press. Any last words Mr. Smart????

    Smart: Yes, no starch please

  3. DuggleBogey Says:

    Very Groucho of you.

    “If they have me as a member, it must not be much of a club!”

  4. gracie Says:

    Whee! I’m lucky 13!

  5. Ken Says:

    I ask your hero about you and he replied, “He can’t even spell Proker!”

  6. TopGamblingBlogs Says:

    I fixed some of the typos in the post. Thanks Mean Gene. Mixed in your condescension were helpful points about things I overlooked.

    As you point out, I certainly am no big league poker guy, never pretended to be. I’m just an interested beginner who likes to program and who posts things far too late at night for careful spellchecking.

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