A Suckeye No More

Saturday, April 29th, 2006, 6:16 pm

I’m well-pleased with the Steelers’ selection of WR Santonio Holmes, who most mock drafts had going to Detroit. As the picks slowly, slowly, so slowly moved toward the end of round one and the Super Bowl champions, Mark and I started to get antsy that maybe the Steelers would move up to grab Holmes. And then with the Giants on the clock we heard the announcement of the trade, the Steeler emblem appeared on the screen, and we just had to wait for the announcment of the obvious pick.

Could the Steelers have stayed at #32 and still gotten Holmes? I doubt it, someone would’ve grabbed him. And although it hurts to give up that third-rounder, there’s no way all 10 of our picks could’ve made the team, so it made sense to use a few to get a guy who fills two big holes–receiver and returner.

I’m a Penn Stater. And I’m on record as saying that the Ohio State University is a pit filled with vipers, and that the Buckeye football team is populated with villains, deviants, and leaking bags of human garbage. Yet two of the players I hoped the Steelers would draft wore Scarlet and Grey (Carpenter and Mangold) and I’ delighed with the Buckeye we landed. It turns out hypocrasy is really no big deal.

Man, how much macaroni and cheese has LenDale White scarfed down the last few months. It’s not so much that he looks fat–he looks full. He looks like he’s eaten lots and lots of macaroni and cheese and enjoyed it to the max.

ESPN has been running promotional spots with Bush and Young and Leinart and others walking down a runway in flashy suits. The bits with White are high unintentional comedy. He looks just a wee bit awkward.

Suzy Kolber is on right now, and for the sixtieth time I’m struck by the urge to reach through the TV set and brush back her bangs. Every year she looks more and more like a sheepdog. Please, Suzy, everybody wants to see your pretty face. Plus we don’t want you walking into walls.

And none of the picks Suzy has tried to talk to over the high-falutin’ video links have been able to hear her. She asks a good question and next you see some massive guy sticking his finger in his ear and saying, “What…I can’t hear you..”. Scintillating television.

As you know, my buddy Mark and I went to NYC for the draft two years ago. And we’ve talked about giving it another shot if the Steelers every have a pick above the thirties anytime soon. But as I watched the shots of the fans in Radio City Music Hall, all those Jets and Giants and, yes, Steeler fans, I suddenly realized something. “Know what,” I said. “Draft people is UGLY people.” Maybe I’ll have to content myself with watching it from home. Because I’m not an ugly person. And therefore cannot be a draft person.

First round went fast this year, only 5 hours. I think some of ESPN’s mock drafts too longer than that. Had a few beers early on, some wings, some time in the sun, then more beer and a burger. And now, maybe a little nap.

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