President’s Day Memories

Monday, February 20th, 2006, 12:35 pm

Ah, I just can’t help thinking back on the great times I’ve had on previous President’s Day. All the parties, the revelry, the expensive gifts…good times, people, good times.

I didn’t even know my office would be closed today until Thursday, I thought this was one of the superfluous holiday we were open. So I’m celebrating by getting my car inspected and doing laundry. Hail to the Chief indeed. I stayed up till 2AM last night trying to bust two morons playing at my micro NL table. They chatted non-stop with every sentence ending in “lol” and they enjoyed belitting everyone’s play, including my own. I did a good job of not tapping the aquarium glass, as neither had any clue what “pot odds” are and I didn’t think a tutorial would be to my benefit. I pride myself on not tilting or taking things personal, but staying up till 2AM trying to bust a guy with three bucks in front of him isn’t healthy.

I watched the Daytona 500 yesterday, and I have a question. Tony Stewart pulled out of line and smashed into Matt Kenseth, sending the #17 car sliding through the infield and then back into traffic. Kenseth didn’t get hit head-on by any of the oncoming cars, but if he had, and had he or one of the other drivers been killed in the 190MPH collision, would Stewart be arrested for vehicular manslaughter? Stewart made it clear after the race he hit Kenseth deliberately, so the motive is right there. I like watching hard-nosed racing, but Stewart took out a guy with a real chance to win the race. And then bragged about it. Wouldn’t sitting Stewart for a couple of races put an end to this nonsense? Before the race Stewart said that eventually someone would get killed at Daytona or Talledega because of the bunching restrictor-plate racing creates. Was he just trying to produce a body to make his point?

Speaking of fast cars and good ‘ol boys, aren’t we overdue for a Smokey and the Bandit remake? I just saw a promo for the Burt Reynolds opus and I’m shocked that Hollywood hasn’t gotten around to reheating that particular bowl of grits. Smokey and the Bandit is, in my opinion, the worst movie to watch with the profanity edited out. Hearing Jackie Gleason’s raspy voice overdubbed by some Yosemite Sam impersonator is depressing.

Think Nike is wishing they’d never heard of Bode Miller? The commerical they’re showing now where he spouts nonsense like, “Even if I don’t win…if I have a run that…inspires people…then it doesn’t matter if I don’t win a medal…so long as I move people with my run…”. What a lot of nonsense. I love watching the downhill, but I don’t think even Bill Johnson or Franz Klammer ever moved me to write a symphony or a sonnet. I think I’ll stick to New Balance shoes for the time being.

Actually, who’s having the worst Olympics: Bode Miller, Michelle Kwan, Wayne Gretzky, the Austrian biathalon team, or the Norwegian cross-country team? It seems like every story out of Torino is about choking or brain-locks or scandals or lost opportunities or nations in despair after their hero’s collapse. Great fun.

That’s actually why I don’t like watching a lot of the events in the Olympics, both winter and summer. There’s no room for error. None. You watch some 17-year-old girl who has devoted her entire life to her sport. All those mornings up at 4AM in the freezing cold, all those falls, the coaches screaming at you, your childhood sacrificed for a dream of glory. And then you two-foot a triple axel and the jackass NBC announcer is shrieking “What a TERRIBLE mistake! You can’t those mistakes if you want to win the GOLD MEDAL!”. One little slip and you’re a failure. And its much the same with skiing and snowboarding and bobsled (sorry, bobsleigh) and many, many other Olympic sports.

I mean, imagine if Kobe Bryant was given the ball at the top of the key and told to make the shot. If he misses, his season is a failure. Period. By his own admission Ben Roethlisberger had a lousy Super Bowl, throwing a pick that could’ve cost the Steelers the game. But football is forgiving enough a game that he made some huge plays and won the game. If Sasha Cohen falls during her long program, she’s done. And it’s hard for me to enjoy watching her (or anyone else) skate knowing what that person has on the line.

Then again, I’d watch Tanith Belbin skate even if she was playing in goal for the Penguins.

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4 Responses to “President’s Day Memories”

  1. Garthmeister J. Says:

    In your list of “who is having the worst Olympics” you missed the American chick who pulled the hot-dog move that cost her a gold medal. Not that I think she is having the worst Olympics, I just thought she deserved to make the list.

    Of course if she nailed the move she is a SuperHero, but whatever…

  2. Otit Says:

    Good point about NASCAR. The sport is inherently dangerous, but intentionally putting another driver (or all the other drivers, for that matter) in a life-threatening position should result in a lifetime ban, especially if you are egotistical enough to admit it later. Plus, didn’t they prosecute some hockey player a while back for something that happened on the ice? The same thing should apply here if someone gets killed as a result of an intentional act.

    As for a Smokey and the Bandit re-make, it can’t be done. Even Burt Reynolds couldn’t get it right the second time. If you want to see how bad it can get, check out the 1994 television tour de force starring Brian Bloom. Four episodes aired with rotating female co-stars including Kathy Ireland (“Beauty and the Bandit”) and Elizabeth Berkeley. I caught two episodes, and the biggest disappointment was that they used the new Firebird with the lower roofline, so Bloom had to take his hat off every time he got in the car. As we all know, the Bandit only takes his hat off for one thing, and it ain’t driving.

  3. the wolf Says:

    You may want to watch this trailer:

  4. Drizztdj Says:

    Two words:

    Women’s Curling.

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