Is It My TV, Or…

Friday, February 10th, 2006, 9:51 pm

Does Jim Lampley’s hair look like fiber-optic cable? I mean, my hair has had that extruded fiberglass look, but his hair…it’s like it’s lit from WITHIN. And his suit, it looks like it’s made of some kind of polymer.

Has there ever been a more anonymous Olympics than the Tornio Games? I’m totally in the dark about who the top athletes are and I have no patriotic fervor for Team USA. I like the Winter Olympics, especially the hockey and skiing and ski jumping. But I think NBC’s gooey personality-driven coverage has killed much of my interest in watching gavel to gavel.

Brian Williams just said something about how the Olympics brings us all together, that North and South Korea marched in together or they’re standing in the same stadium, something like that. Yeah, I’m sure the citizens of North Korea, who have suffered horribly the last 50 years, take great solace in that.

Nice of Bob Costas to talk over the very start of the opening ceremony. Which, I have to say, looks totally absurd. Maybe you have to be there. And I’m not.

I’m impressed. Costas has been silent for nearly 2 minutes now. He’s probably like that Ted Patterson guy from those beer commercials, straining in agony and in a cold sweat. Whoops, there he goes. Ah, this interpretive dance symbolizes passion. Got it.

They have cows on…sleds? ‘Kay.

The thing is, if you’re in the stands, you can see everything, but it’s so far away you probably can’t focus each little part. On TV you can’t get the big picture. You need to, like, be suspended a hundred feet above the stadium. By dirigible, perhaps?

OK, think I’ll return to watching season 2 of 24. Lemme tell ya, this Jack Bauer guy? Got lots of stamina.

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