Really Random Thoughts

Thursday, May 19th, 2005, 3:12 pm

I might have some actual poker content for my next post, but perhaps not. I felt like posting something so its something you’ll get.

Anyone who stood in line for days waiting to see Revenge of the Sith after the doubleplusbad stinkers The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones should have their voting rights revoked. Because they have something wrong in their skulls and their judgment is not to be trusted. The previous two Star Wars spectaculars were among the worst movies I’ve ever seen (only Mission Impossible 2 compares) and while the reviews for this one are better many are qualified with, “It’s better than the last two!”, which hardly makes me want to invest two hours sitting through it. I get angry when I see horrible movies, especially horrible big-budget movies who waste resources that might’ve been directed toward smaller and more worthy projects. I was so outraged after seeing Mission Impossible 2 that I wanted to file a class-action lawsuit against Tom Cruise. And I only rented it. Really should’ve gone to law school, instead of blogging I would’ve spent my time filing hundreds of frivolous lawsuits. I think I would’ve really enjoyed that.

Speaking of movies and blockbusters and whatnot, Pittsburgh native Frank Gorshin died yesterday. Gorshin played “The Riddler” on the old Batman TV show with Adam West, and was THE best superhero arch-villian of all time, be it movie or TV. According to my calculations Gorshin was 38.9 times better as the Riddler than Jim Carrey. This is SCIENCE, people.

Actually, the last few “Batman” movies were as bad as the last two “Star Wars” movies. Seriously, Joel Schumacher should’ve been placed in a chicken-wire pen for Batman Forever, which was called, I believe by New Yorker film critic Anthony Lane, “the most ominously titled movie in cinema history.”

I just called Frank Gorshin the greatest archvillan of all time. But wait…what about Julie Newmar? I may have spoken too soon. Because on my list of “Greatest Achievements of The Human Species” the decision to “Put Julie Newmar in a Black Catsuit” falls right between “Cultivating Wheat” and “Developing the Internal Combustion Engine”. I think I must rank the late, great Frank Gorshin number…1A.

I’m pretty good at avoiding horrible movies. Though I sat through What Dreams May Come with my wife, which was really, really horrible. Bad beyond belief. There were people leaving in the middle of it, but no matter how many longing looks I gave the exits my wife wouldn’t budge. Nor would she walk out of Jerry Maguire, which I nearly DID walk out of, after the first 5 minutes. Hideous film.

I actually don’t see many movies, I guess I think life is too short to waste two hours absorbing Michael Bay’s view of military history. Plus I’m an elitist snob. Which you’d never guess from the endless sniping and bitching I engage in. Actually, I don’t know if you can be classified as an “elitist snob” if you went to Penn State and drink lots of beer. Maybe “asshole” is better. No no, for a Pittsburgher it must be “jagov” (or “jagoff”, depending on how you were raised). Ah, the mot juste.

Ah well, another brief post that rambles nowhere. I really need to get my blogging ducks in a row because while yinz are partying in Vegas (thanks for the reminder, G-Rob! I hope the title of your post when you get back is “The Sorrow of Set over Set”) I’m gonna be cranking it out trying to steal market share. Unless I get distracted by something shiny, or something.

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4 Responses to “Really Random Thoughts”

  1. Proto Says:

    So you’re an elitest beer drinkin’ snob. At least the wife gets you out of the house to ‘waste’ a couple hours of your time, now and then.

  2. Donkeypuncher Says:

    My favorite batman villain was the mad hatter because he looked like robert bork.

  3. CJ Says:

    Give Batman Begins a chance. It features a really talented director (Christopher Nolan from Memento and Insomnia) and has a much darker tone to it apparently. Oh, and Ken Wantanabe is the villan. He was great in The Last Samurai.

  4. melvin Says:

    MI:2 is the only movie on which ive ever walked. i remember it so clearly, tom cruise walking out of a door made just for him (so he looks proportional to other humans) as doves fly everywhere. God damn you, John Woo.

    nice place, ill be back 🙂

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