Top ‘O The Morning To Ya

Thursday, March 17th, 2005, 9:38 am

UPDATE: Thanks Pitt! Way to go out in the first round! Throw in the Alabamamans going down and that’s 2 Sweet Sixteen teams in the shitter. You know, I’d like to have one year where my bracket isn’t busted after the first round of games. Shit.

While I stew here in my cube Otis is covering the EPT in Monte Carlo and dining on couscous and tart. Unfortunately I’m only on the 2nd floor of my building and so jumping out of the window would probably only cripple me. The good news from Monaco is that Isabelle Mercier has about 55K and, according to Otis, has brought her A-game. Allez,, Isabelle!

And now back to what I wrote to start the day:

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, even to those of you who don’t have the Hibernian blood coursing through your veins. Go eat a potato and listen to some U2. Or some Enya, if that’s your thing. Is she Irish? Eh, who cares?

If there’s a worse way to spend St. Patrick’s day AND the first day of March Madnesss than cooped up in a cubicle all day, I’d like to hear it. About the only difference between my current location and Scott Peterson’s is that I have a window across the office to look out of. Note to self–if at some point you decide to murder your wife, make sure she isn’t cute and sympathetic like Laci Peterson, make sure she’s a gold digger and con artist like Bonny Lee Bakley, whom Robert Blake was acquitted of murdering yesterday. No eyewitnesses in either case, not much physical evidence to link the suspect to the murder, and Peterson ends up on Death Row while Blake walks.

Of course, Peterson is exactly where he belongs, and while I’m generally opposed to capital punishment I don’t see myself lighting any candles for him. And its hard to muster up much outrage about Blake’s acquittal, as Bakley seemed a pretty loathsome character. Still, you’re not supposed to solve your marital problems with a pistol. Not even in Texas. And as Blake was about the only person on the planet with the means, motive, and opportunity to commit the crime, the prosecutors can’t feel too good about themselves right now.

Actually, if you really need to murder your wife, being a C-List celebrity in LA and doing the deed so sloppily that your crime would be solved by the first commercial break of CSI seems the way to go. I can’t believe none of the networks or Court TV thought to have O.J. giving his commentary on the verdict. Or maybe they did.

Let’s lighten the mood a bit, shall we?

I’m half-Irish, on my mother’s side. My cousin Karen has been doing a lot of geneological digging about our family, because there isn’t much information out there. Mom’s maiden name is “Doloughty”, which is not a common name. In fact, its so uncommon that none of us have heard of anyone else with that name. But thanks to the Internet Karen’s been doing a lot of digging through archives and records and has started amassing a pile of information about our mighty clan. I do recall at a family picnic a few years ago that she had info about a brace of Doloughtys who were hung back in the 1890s for horse theiving. Which may explain why I still get such a thrill riding the Merry-Go-Round at Kennywood Park.

Let’s brighten the mood a bit.

These are the winners of Pittsburgh’s “Miss Smiling Irish Eyes” contest. The winner was the well-named-for-the-occasion Miss Jordan O’Toole, but unfortunately I’m not sure which of the three ladies above is she. At first I made the logical assumption that the redhead was the winner, because, well, you HAVE to be a redhead to win a contest like “Miss Smiling Irish Eyes”, don’t you? But the blonde girl is wearing a different dress and a different sash…but the redhead is in the middle…I don’t know. Another ethereal mystery of the Emerald Isle…

Irish girls have red hair, yes? Take any carrot-top off the street, stick her in a green dress, and she’s got a better chance of winning a “Miss Smiling Irish Eyes” contest than Catherine Zeta-Jones. Who’s Welsh, for the love of Mike. Not that the abovementioned Miss O’Toole (if that is her) isn’t a worthy representative of lovely Irish womanhood. But I can’t see how the blonde or brunette would have a chance against her. It’s like competing in a “Miss Hawaiian Tropic” contest without breast implants. You’re not competing on a level playing field.

Back in college my friend Frank gave us all a valuable piece of advice. We were at a party and all quite drunk and Frank said, “Gentleman, let me tell you something about redheads. First of all, all redheads are psycho”. We nodded at the wisdom of this. Then he said, “But, there’s nothing better than a redhead”. We all exchanged glances and nodded again. I dated a redhead and found this to be true, but in all fairness a sample size of 1 is not, I think, sufficient to lump all women from auburn to strawberry this way.

Frank and my other buddies got back from Vegas, I’m sure I’ll be hearing more about their exploits tonight. They went out for Frank’s bachelor party. Is he marrying a redhead? No, a blonde. Who’s a physical therapist. Frank grows wise as he grows older.

I didn’t go to the St. Patrick’s Day parade this past Saturday. In fact, I’ve never been to the parade. Which is odd. I’m Irish, I like drinking in public…well, that pretty much covers it. None of my friends have any Irish blood, but of course the whole point of St. Patty’s Day is that EVERYONE is Irish that day. Maybe it’s the public urination that turns them off, if you can believe that.

If I think of anything else witty and green to add I’ll add it later. If I don’t, then enjoy the day, especially those of you ducking out of work early to watch hoops and drink green beer all day. I hate you, each and every single one of you.

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5 Responses to “Top ‘O The Morning To Ya”

  1. on_thg Says:

    It may just be the layer of dust on my monitor, but that redhead appears to have a really poor dye job.

  2. Mean Gene Says:

    Quite possibly, but that just shows that the other girls weren’t prepared to go all-out to win the thing. You’re entering an Irish beauty contest? Then it’s Red Alert.

    Matching cuffs and collars optional, of course.

  3. Drizztdj Says:

    Worst then being in a cube on the beginning of the NCAA tourney and St. Pat’s Day….

    Add on the excitement of the last day of work till a week long vacation in Vegas and you’re in my spot. Sigh.

  4. Anonymous Says:

    Redheads are really hotter than blondes down beneath.

  5. Patricia Doloughty Reilly Says:

    I also am a Doloughty. My father was John. His father was Luke. It is my understanding that my grandfather came here from Galway and married my grandmother. They had five children and Luke died when my dad was about 15 or 16yrs.old. They were all raised in NYC. The
    children have all passed. But each of them had children of their own that are spread all over the US

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