Some Really Random Thoughts

Friday, March 4th, 2005, 1:49 pm

Martha Stewart was released from prison today. Why is this being treated like the release of the Iranian hostages? She was CONVICTED OF A CRIME. She’s a CRIMINAL. She did a BAD THING. I know, she didn’t kill anyone (that we know of) but she broke the law, clumsily tried to cover it up, and was duly sent to the hoosegow. Hey, I’m all for second chances, and if she comes back and succeeds like never before, more power to her. But she didn’t go to prison to become a better person, or to become a more sympathetic character. She went to prison because she broke the law. And that ain’t something to be proud of.

As usual I watched “Tilt” in the bar we go to after volleyball. No sound, no subtitles, and I’ve no clue what was going on. Nor, from what I saw, do I want to. I saw the one hand, this guy goes all-in with a sneer on his face (I think “Tilt” has the highest sneer ratio in the history of American TV). Clark calls and pushes in all his chips. Current sneery guy turns over his cards and, yes, sneers, “King…high…flush” (how did I know he said this? I can read lips, smart guy). Now, if there are three diamonds on the board, and you push all-in, and the other guy CALLS you, what are your insides doing? They’re going GURGLE GURGLE because it now occurs to you that the other guy just might have the nut flush. Which is what Clark turns over. And the sneery guy freaks out because he cannot believe, he CANNOT BELIEVE, that the other guy had the better hand. Uh, dude, how many hands of poker have you played?

The main guy Eddie played a hand against a weasely looking dude (sneer preinstalled) and after he won the Weasel also flipped out and went batshit. Mattias Anderson, what hath you wrought? Though the Swedish Screamer usually vocalized after he WON a hand.

Watched the first WPT event of the season, very entertaining. I’m not sure I like the new graphics, they seem smaller than the old ones, but I like the black and silver motif they seem to be going with.

A few observations:

If you needed to hire an attorney, who would you pick: Jim Meehan, or Lionel Hutz?

I counted the number of “Welcome Back, Kotter” references in the broadcast and I think I ended up with 7, which shows the immense strides Vince Van Patton has made in the last 2 years. A tremendous show of restraint.

One hopes that, with some of the $250K he won for finishing third, Gabe Kaplan will invest in a really, really good razor.

Is it me, or is John Juanda the best dressed man in poker? Every final table he makes (which seems like every final table) he comes looking like a million bucks. On this most recent show he had on a sleek black shirt and slacks and some cool looking shades. During the first WPT broadcast he wore a tan suit with a cream-colored mock turtleneck underneath. Smashing. I forget what he wore at Turning Stone…but I think he had on a blazer. And I have to dig out my tape of the Celebrity WPT tourney from last year, though I do recall he was wearing another fantastic pair of sunglasses.

And this from a guy who was not always the fashion plate. I taped a tournament from 1999 or so that ESPN showed awhile back (I don’t think it was the Jack Binion Open, but Jerry Van Dyke was one of the broadcast crew) and Juanda won the whole thing. He was wearing this light blue polo shirt and a green squared-off baseball cap (like the truck-driving caps that were so inexplicably hip a few months ago). It was a horrible ensemble, but how far JJ has come. Really, if I had the chance to sit down with Juanda for an hour and just chat, I wouldn’t be asking him about his legendary preflop decision-making. I’d be asking who his tailor is.

Speaking of poker fashion, I watched the “Battle of the Sexes” the other night, mostly because as I was flipping my attention was immediately and irretriveable arrested by the sight of Karina Jett in this lacy gold top. Loose and flowing in some places, tight and uplifting in others (guess where), I had to watch just to admire her…fashion sense.

Oh, and to the person who Googled “Chip Jett cleavage” and found their way here, Chip is Karina’s husband. And, alas, you won’t find any Jett cleavage on these pages.

Greg Raymer wore the same bubblegum-pink satiny shirt he wore on the cover of “Cigar Aficiando”, and I think he pulls it off. I would look patently ridiculous in a shirt like that, but he looked slick.

I’ve played no poker the last 4 or so days, and there will be none tonight as I play volleyball for the 2nd straight night. Sending 235 pounds into (very)low-Earth orbit 100 times a night then crashing back to ground is taking a serious toll. I have something wrong with my foot, both shoulder joints sound like they’re full of gravel when I rotate my arms, I’ve slightly pulled my left hamstring and both my quads feel like someone took a fungo bat to them. And I’ve hyperextended the middle 3 fingers of my right hand so many times that making a fist requires a conscious effort. “C’mon ring finger, curl this way…THIS way…GRRAAAAHHUUGHHHH!!”. Getting old…it’s pretty lame.

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