Anyone know an exorcist?

Wednesday, March 24th, 2004, 12:42 pm

Don’t talk to me about variance. Don’t tell me that everyone goes through lean times. Don’t tell me that when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Don’t recite that Kipling quote about treating success and adversity the same and you’ll be a man my son etc etc. I don’t want to hear it. I’m possessed. There’s a malevolent little imp sitting on my shoulder and I can’t brush him off. I don’t need to tighten up my play or go down in limits–I need a priest.

I haven’t had a winning session since March 8. Now, I haven’t played every day, but after 2 weeks of chip-dwindling action I’m about ready to take up crocheting. It isn’t like I’m getting killed on the river on 2-outers–tho that’s happened a few times. It isn’t like I’m getting nibbled to death by fish–tho, again, I’ve been beaten by some ridiculous hands. No, the big problem is that I’m getting no cards at all. For about 2 weeks, and especially the last few days, I’ve been so cold-decked you’d think I was playing at the Ice Station Zebra Casino.

How bad has it been? I played for about 2 hours last night, and during the first 100 hands I won one pot. Let me empasize here– ONE. Now, I actually won 5, but four of them were hands where no one put money in except for the blinds. Twice I made a 50-cent bet and had everyone fold to me. So in those four pots I only won the blinds–and twice I was in the big blind and had it folded around to me. Even for a low-limit guy like me, winning a quarter doesn’t get the juices flowing.

I didn’t win a hand–even the blinds–for the first 50 hands I played. The other day I started 0-38. One other time I was 0-33. Now, these things happen, I know, you hit a tough run of cards and you have to be patient. But, come on, throw me a crumb here!

Here’s how my games have gone recently–I twiddle my thumbs for a few orbits, pick up a barely-playable hand a lose a buck or two, more twiddling, lose another buck, finally get dealt a hand (JJ, say) and see the flop come AKQ suited (not matching the suits in my hand) and face a raise and a re-raise before it’s time for me to muck (this actually happened).

You know how sometimes you get dealt a hand and the flop comes and, lo and behold, you’ve got a flush draw or straight draw? You know how sometimes you make trips when you hold a pocket pair? I don’t. Hasn’t happened to me much. I checked my PokerTracker stats for the last few sessions and my cards were appalling. I didn’t have one straight, not one, in like 350 hands. I had 4 flushes–and lost with all but one of them. Made trips twice, winning a small pot and losing a big one. The best thing I can say about this latest stretch is that I’m not losing THAT much because I’m not playing enough hands to really get nailed. Tho I did lose a bundle when I was dealt KK, by far my best recent hand, at the same time another player got AA. Ecch.

So if you’re driving through the northern suburbs of Pittsburgh and see a guy dancing around a bonfire while sacrificing a chicken, that’s me.

PartyPoker is on my shit list, and not because they’re dealing me ludicrous cards. I’ve been playing at Empire, which of course is just Party in blue disguise. Unbeknownst to me, Party offered me a $20 bonus if I made a deposit with them. I missed their e-mail telling me this, but I didn’t miss the e-mail telling me they were withdrawing the offer because I hadn’t made a deposit. I e-mailed them back and said that I’d missed their original offer but if they offered me the $20 again I’d definitely make a deposit. Vamsi M. from Party emailed me back and told me they’d credit me the $20 once I made my next deposit. Well-pleased, I prepared to jump back to Party from Empire.

With work a bear I didn’t make my deposit for about a week. I was also taking advantage of a 15% deposit bonus Party was offering, so I stood to make a massive $70 by bonus whoring. My money went in, and I emailed Party to tell them my deposit was made and that, as agreed, they could deposit the $20 into my account.

I received a reply telling me that the $20 offer had expired 3/4 and could no longer be honored. I told them that I explained my situation and was told the $20 would be credited my next deposit. I was told again that they couldn’t give me the $20, but that I should be happy because they would give me $50 as soon as I played my 400 raked hands. I told them again that, as they could see if they scrolled down my reply, that I had been told by Party that they would give me the $20 even though I missed the original deadline. I got back the exact same reply I’d gotten the first time–sorry, the offer expired 3/4. Each time the note I got from Party was signed by a different person, and I finally surrendered. I don’t want to debase myself arging over such piddling sums, since I’m saving my dignity so I can debase myself for REAL money.

I got an anoymous comment the other day saying that “Mean Gene” and “Geno” are even stupider nicknames than Paul Phillps’ nickname “”. This anoymous person is wrong, and is probably hung like a cashew.

OK, that’s enough for now. More later.

Permanent link to this post.

Leave a Reply