Worst show ever

Tuesday, January 6th, 2004, 10:58 pm

Even as I write this I’m watching Celebrity Poker on Bravo, and…Good God. What a horrible show. I mean, I play poker, right? I like watching poker. I write a friggin poker blog, for Chrissakes. And even I can’t watch this crap.

It isn’t just that these people (with the exception of the lovely Mimi Rogers) can’t play worth a damn. They can’t play AT ALL. The dude who’s the lead singer from Creed (whoever they are) couldn’t figure out what he had. He was bragging about having Queens and Eights when Mimi Rogers had pocket kings to go with the eights on the board. And when he learned he was losing he acted like he was being cheated.

Couldn’t Bravo have found a few celebrities who, at the very least, know the ranking of hands? This might have been an entertaining show if they all could have played with as much skill as Mimi Rogers, and looked as good doing it. But these idiots don’t have a clue.

And they aren’t interesting to listen to. They aren’t funny, they aren’t sponteneous, they’re…BORING. Very, very boring. Other than Mimi’s animal-print blouse and sexy smile (have I made it clear I have a thing for Mimi Rogers?) and wondering what the hell happened to Carrie Fisher, there isn’t much to talk about on this show.

Actually, what the hell DID happen to Carrie Fisher. When did she get little-ol-lady disease, with the cheaters and the frumpy hairdo? She and Rogers are probably close to the same age, but Fisher looks…grandmotherly. It was only 20 years ago that she was wearing a brass bikini in Return of the Jedi and making teenage boys feel all funny. And now…whoa. And where the hell did she get that blouse? A sanitarium for clothiers?

And I’ve been ripping on Phil Gordon, but this was his worst episode by far, and that’s saying something. Kevin Pollack tried bantering with Phil, saying, “If I saw you sitting down at my table, I’d play…blackjack.”

And Phil says, “Or video poker”. What a witty comeback! What banter! The Martin and Lewis of our generation! Later, when listing the chip counts, Phil says that the former Princess Leia needs help from Obi-Wan Kenobi. Bwahahahaha!!!! He’s just ghastly, he looks frozen by the camera lens, his smile is so forced you’d think he’d just messed his pants. He’s terrible.

And this is not a guy who’s a walking stiff. Read about his escapades as a Tiltboy and have a big laugh. My favorite part was when Gordon and his buddies are playing before they head to the airport for their flight to Vegas, and this guy hits a huge out to win the hand. As his friend steams Phil congratulates the guy, telling him what a great play he made, and then says, “Hey, how ’bout you buy me a beer? Buy me a beer with his money!” he says while pointing as his now-livid friend. Great stuff. And you see none of it, and I mean NONE, on this show.

My God, the finale is a 2-hour special. And I don’t think Mimi is gonna make it. At least with her and Nicole Sullivan there’d be something to look at. And those two ladies were probably the best players on the whole show, tho Mimi is going out. Crap.

Wish I was a celebrity so I could go on this show and humiliate these guys. Actually, I’d probably humiliate myself fawning over Mimi. I like her, but you know that about me.

Permanent link to this post.

Leave a Reply