You Gotta Be Kidding Me…No, You Aren’t Kidding Me

Wednesday, August 8th, 2007, 7:50 pm

The Steelers made it through their first 74 seasons without a mascot; apparently there was no hope of surviving the 75th without one. So the team came up with this…man-thing:

Today we learned that the name of this man-thing is…wait for it…"Steely McBeam". There was a contest to name the new mascot. There were 70,000 entries. And this is the name they came up with. If we needed any additional evidence that Pittsburgh is doomed, doomed, doomed, here it is.

Ten bucks to the brave soul who throttles Mr. McBeam with a Terrible Towel.

UPDATE: Right. I’m totally pissed off and my pissed-offedness is a totally righteous one. What the HELL were these people thinking? The Pittsburgh Steelers are the paragon of no-frills, no-excuses, I’m-gonna-smash-your-head-in-all-the-live-long-day-football. Which pretty much sums up the city’s attitude toward, well, everything.

And we have a frickin’ mascot called STEELY MCBEAM?? This is UNACCEPTABLE. This must be STOPPED. We have to DO SOMETHING. My CAPS LOCK button is GOING TO BREAK SOON unless SOMETHING IS DONE.

I’m going to a meeting of ‘Burgh Bloggers tomorrow, maybe we can brainstorm some effective ways to bring civil disobedience to bear and get this blasted creature to take a running leap off the Bridge to Nowhere.

There is no way, NO WAY that clear-thinking Pittsburghers would approve of this affront to all things ‘Burgian. I mentioned before that the Post-Gazette reported that 70,000 votes were cast in the contest to name this…this…this THING. Where did they do the polling–Cleveland?

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28 Responses to “You Gotta Be Kidding Me…No, You Aren’t Kidding Me”

  1. Haley Says:

    This is what happens when you build a city in a river basin. All the nuts roll downhill and gather.

  2. NumbBono Says:

    Seriously…I’m no Steelers fan…Lions fan if you need to know (Phil Luckett anyone). But this must be stopped. It’s bad enough to have a ghey mascot (we have Roary the Lion), but to have his name based on the nicknames from an also-ran ABC TV show is absolutely unacceptable.

  3. Ten Mile Says:

    I think there’s a rule about humaniod mascots. The penality is division last place, no Super Bowl for three years. And all cheering towels must be pink.

  4. AlCantHang Says:

    “Steely McBeam was joined by his Simpson’s family, Hootie McBoobs, Chesty LaRue, and Max Power.”

  5. Gydyon Says:

    Steely McBeam and a Pittsburgh blogger gathering I did not know about! That’s outrageous!

  6. Gene Bromberg » Blog Archive : Ed Bouchette For Mayor; or, Where's My Pitchfork? Says:

    […] « Previous post: You Gotta Be Kidding Me…No, You Aren’t Kidding Me […]

  7. Pokerwolf Says:

    I think the most ludicrous thing about his face is that they put a FIVE O’CLOCK SHADOW on him. WTF?!

  8. drizzdj Says:

    Put a picture of Big Ben next to the mascot, they look similar….

  9. Oven Mitt Says:

    This must be a worker from the gay steel mill in the Simpsons. Hopefully he will dance to a C&C music factory song after his civil union with Oliver Onion at halftime of the Nov 11 home game against the Browns.

    Then afterwards on the scoreboard they could have a skit where Steely McBeam walks into a kitchen and have Chris Hanson come out and say, “Hi what are you doing here?” and then “Did you tell a 13 year old that you would like to score by stuffing it in his Heinz Red Zone”

    Chuck Noll is spinning in his grave and he isn’t even dead

  10. Sebastian Says:

    Steeler Fans,

    You have got to stop this. Steely McBeam is a torrent of jokes just waiting to happen. Steely McBeam-Hariy Back Door, etc.

    Put this to an end. NOW!!!!

  11. TeeDubb Says:

    Al, don’t forget Phoney McRingRing!

    The first thing I thought when I saw it: Did the Simpsons writers make this up? He even looks like a character from the show.

    At least we Bengals fans have cheerleaders (and Who-Dey, our slightly less retarded mascot).

    The hatred we feel towards your Steelers after they destroyed our QB’s knee 2 years ago is now replaced by pity for your shockingly hideous mascot. He does make Pittsburgh women look a little better by comparison, though…

  12. WhoDey Fan Says:

    I can’t wait to see the Bengal’s tiger strike Steely McBeam on the Jumbotron! With a head that big, there’s no way he could miss! Who Dey!

  13. BeyondThePale Says:

    I used to be proud of the tradition of the Steelers.

    This… this is a mockery. This is an April Fool’s joke gone terribly, terribly wrong. Ray Lewis has a Steelers executive hostage and is holding him at gunpoint to make this stick. The guys that paid of Neil O’Donnell are at it again. The Browns are making this happen somehow to deflect all the gayness from Brady Quinn that the sportsblogs have enjoyed so much. The Bengals obviously have enough underworld connections to make such a thing see fruition. Can’t anyone see!? Please, I beg of you, find out who has done this. I am NOT buying into this whole “Diane Roles” theory. And Diane, is that IS your real name. Yours will be a name that echoes into eternity, the name that has doomed an entire nation of loving fans into the butt of millions of jokes.

    I hope you can all sleep at night. You bastards.

  14. Team Coverage of Steely McBeam | KyleSmithOnline.com Says:

    […] with the story. Blogger Will Leitch hails Pittsburgh’s “week of shame” while Steeltown fan Gene Bromberg, who poses with a cat on his shoulder, making me question the toughness of the Heinz Field faithful, […]

  15. zach Says:

    “The Pittsburgh Steelers are the paragon of no-frills, no-excuses, I’m-gonna-smash-your-head-in-all-the-live-long-day-football. Which pretty much sums up the city’s attitude toward, well, everything. And we have a frickin’ mascot called STEELY MCBEAM?? This is UNACCEPTABLE. This must be STOPPED. We have to DO SOMETHING. My CAPS LOCK button is GOING TO BREAK SOON unless SOMETHING IS DONE.”

    this kind of reaction is SOO pittsburgh. I love the burgh in theory, but stuff like this makes me happy i moved. I would buy the blue collar, no frills attitude if people weren’t so defensive about it. Fragile much? Let me give you and the rest of the ‘burgh some advice: All the stuff you love about pittsburgh and it’s identity would be a lot less obnoxious and would be a much more accurate representation if a mascot of a football team was a little less threatening. You can’t talk about smash your head in mentalities and be even remotely affected by the name and appearance of a cartoon mascot at the same time. those two things don’t add up. To quote Larry David, “The lady doth protest too much.”

  16. neko Says:

    iv lived i ohio for 8 years but was born in pa (woot woot)and all 8 years i stood up for the steelers tould every one that they rocked socks and that the browns could suck it and now i am totaly humiliated i mean come on STEELY McBEAM? oh how teribly intimidating(sacastily duh)he looks like he came out of sesame street! what a total shame to have to put up with this i mean come on and btw pa is doomed to being laughed at untill this “THING” is removed and who was on that stupid voting commity anyway?to think that any one in hard core pa would agree to such a monstrsity ugg

  17. Oven Mitt Says:

    Dear Neko

    Thank you for clearly pointing out that you live in Ohio. Please stop (woot woot)ing for the Steelers. I do of course agree that they “rocked socks” however your lack of spelling or sentence structure means that you have been assimilated into the culture of the Buckeye state and most likely are a graduate of The Ohio State University. If you are looking for a team to support I have can offer you the following assistance.

    If you have been arrested more then 5 times in the last year, you are now a Bengals fan. If you have grabbed a male friends package in the last year you are a Browns fan. If you were arrested 5 times in the last year for grabbing a friends package, you can woot woot for either Ohio team.

    Sincerely,

    Oven Mitt

  18. Darcy Says:

    Good heavens, how tragic. What will he do with the beam? So many troubling possibilities. Plus, if I was a kid, I’d be scared witless of the eyebrows alone.

  19. steelergirl428 Says:

    THE SHAME! THE SHAME! HOW DO WE HAVE HIM KILLED! UP ROOTED TO ARIZONA. IF THAT THING COMES HERE IN SEPTEMBER, I WILL BE FORCED TO PUT A HIT OUT ON HIM! ISN’T THERE SOME KIND PETITION WE CAN SIGN TO HAVE IT REMOVED. THEY SAY ITS FOR THE KIDS. BULLSH!T! ANY TRUE PA. KID ONLY WANTS TO LOOK UP TO THEIR FAVORITE PLAYERS NOT SOME OVERSIZED CARTOON!

  20. Beaker Says:

    First this garbage, then what…cheerleaders? Did the suits in marketing have to come with “something hip and new” to help justify their paychecks? And the name! It blows my mind that out of 70,000 entries, THAT name was the best they could pick out. I’d be curious to see what the runners up were. I’m a transplanted Steeler fan unashamedly flaunting my black & gold in Cleveland, and I’ve gotten so much flak about this stupid marketing gimick. I hope the big wigs in the Steeler front office get the picture real quick that this crap won’t fly with the fans…the paying fans. Don’t let any newspaper fool you into thinking that people are “coming around” or “warming up to the idea”, there ain’t NOBODY in Steeler Nation that likes this idiot mascot. I feel bad for the poor schmuck who wears that stupid outfit.

  21. RKFM Says:

    YINZ DON’T NEED NO STINKIN’ MASCOT! NO CHEERLEADERS NEITHER. JUST HAVE SOMEONE DRIVE MYRON AROUND IN A GOLF CART BETWEEN QUARTERS AND DURING COACHES’ CHALLENGE TIME OUTS WAVIN’ A TOWEL N’AT

  22. GDM Says:

    They should have named him Harry Pitts.

  23. GDM Says:

    or maybe Sal Cap

  24. GDM Says:

    or maybe they should have named him Sal Cap.

  25. I Woke Up For This? -- Gene Bromberg.com, the new home for Mean Gene's poker blog Says:

    […] make my chest clear and my heart sing–there’s a Wikipedia page for Steely McBeam, and my rant against that bastard was cited as supporting evidence that that…bastard has been "poorly received by the […]

  26. Embracing the Hatred: 31 Reasons to Hate Every Other Team « Dukes of Awesome Says:

    […] Pittsburgh Steelers: Is their anything cornier then “The Terrible Towel”? What a stupid tradition – grown men who get excited by waving around little yellow dish towels in the air. This type of behavior, while maybe appropriate for a keynote speech by Martha Stewart at a housewives convention, does not belong at pro football games. Anyhow, I’ve long looked and hard for something more stupid then this corny tradition, and I found it… and fortunately it ALSO belongs to the Steelers. Meet Steely McBeam! […]

  27. Miscellin...Missileani...Random Crap -- Gene Bromberg.com, the new home for Mean Gene's poker blog Says:

    […] story, I got an email yesterday letting me know that Steely McBeam is now following me on Twitter. You know my views on Steely McBeam–I think that Steely should follow the example of Joe Magarac. Today, […]

  28. Hats Says:

    Hey, is there a section just for latest news

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